Thursday, December 25, 2008
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!
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For those who live near my grandparents house I will see you guys soonn!! (Anna I however will be seeing you most definitely saturday).. I dunno the exact time about the rest of ya!!
MERRRY CHRIIISTTTMASSSSSS!!!!!!! :D
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Many Ways to Annoy Severus Snape (Requested)
Hey guys here is like 404 ways to irritate Severus Snape. Requested by Anna!! Here ya goes! :] 1. Learn a charm that gives it's unsuspecting victim a large, fluffy, white rabbit's tail. For a week. Put it to good use. 2. Tell him you've lost your pet werewolf and has he seen it? 3. Scatter rose-petals in front of him wherever he goes. 4. Sneak up behind him and shout 'Your robes are on fire!' 5. Hug him. Say you were on strict instructions from Dumbledore to do it. 6. Learn a charm that makes fabric turn day-glow pink. You know what to do next. 7. Get an owl. Name it after him. 8. Go 'Da-da-da-dum!' in a deep voice anytime he passes by or enters a room. 9. Shout '10 points from Professor Snape!' at random moments. 10. Replace all Slytherin insignia in his quarters with that of Hufflepuff. 11. Tell loud stories about Neville Longbottom's boggart. 13. Accidentally call him 'Buzz' every now and again, for no good reason. 17. Squeak softly everytime he says your name during roll-call. 20. 'Need a brush over there Professor?' 24. Transfigure a jack-in-the box's head to look like him. Wind it up and leave it outside his door. Run like hell. 25. Charm his hair into dreadlocks. 26. Get a hose. Corner him. Spray him down. Run. Amanda: *Sigh* Poor Snape... Well thats it, Thanks to Rickmaniac and Gumlick for a few ideas given me whilst chatting, and to Meg for an idea and for introducing me to her inner-Snape! You! Review! Now! Lady Claudia: Well, that was a first time! I'm not used to writing stories or funny stuff at all. I've mainly written essays in my life! So, please, don't be too severe on me! I just tried to imagined how Snape would react to these imaginary situations! Just hope you enjoy and that you can understand what I meant! Especially the narrative and descriptive parts. I'm not good at it! So you have to use your imagination and use Snape's voice in your head, ok? |
Amanda: DISCLAIMER: Snape is mine. JK Rowling gave him to me. In my dreams.... Ok, no Alan Rickman references in this one. A few very obvious Monty Python ones though. Here goes...! Be ruthless. Be consistant. Break him. Make him cry. Awww, poor Severus. But anyway.... 1. Stand at the entrance to the Potions classroom. Charge entry. 2. Ask him if he's ticklish. Tell him if he lies 'you'll know'. 10. While speaking with him, casually refer to Voldemort as 'yer boss' 12. Greet him as you would a life-long friend, punch him in the arm and call him 'Sevster, old pal' 14. Sit with him at Quidditch matches. Promise loudly to 'protect him from those nasty little Gryffindor girls.' 15. Owl him the lyrics to your favourite songs. 16. Tell him at great length about your newly brewed potion which you have called 'brown-gunk-in-a-bottle'. 17. Shiver with some undisclosed emotion should he call on you in class. 18. Transfigure his robes into comic-book super-hero style tights, cape, logo and utility belt. 19. Mutter loudly in class that he '...still owes me rent' 20. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention, hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!' 21. Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale? 22. Sign your name on anything of his you can get hold of. 23. Transfigure his cauldron into a large sack of milk-duds.(link so you know what a Milk Dud is) 24. 'Forget healing potions, Sir! Lets bottle some fame!' 25. Hide behind him anytime Harry Potter approaches. 26. 'Wingardium Leviosa' the back of his robes so that they float vertically behind him and look like a 6-foot-high collar. 27. Offer to knight him. 28. Squint at him non-stop from the very second he comes into your view until he leaves again. Do this for the entire month of March, every year of your attendance. 29. Launch into a hearty rendition of the B-52s 'Love Shack' anytime he needs to go anywhere near Hagrid's hut.(Lyrics here) 30. Walk around carrying the end of his robes like a bridal gown. 31. Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing. 32. Sneak up on him and jab him in the ribs. Screech 'poke!' loudly and run off. 33. Ask for his autograph. 34. Hire some thugs. Have them beat people up who say anything against the good name of Snape. Or who looked like they might have been thinking it. 35. Ask him at what age his hair 'lost it's natural lustre and shine?' 36. Question his stability regularly. 37. Volunteer to assist him. Drop or break anything he requires you to be in contact with. 38. Let him catch you pretending your wand is a light-sabre. Ask him if he wants to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo. Offer to show him how to make the correct 'sabre-sounds'. 39. When he calls on you in class, look stunned, stutter and garble some nonsense - then fall out of your seat. 40. Ask when he's 'gonna get to the brewing glory part?' 41. Stand guard outside his chambers. Make fists and 'tough-arms' at anyone who looks that way twice. If questioned, state that you 'wouldn't want anything to happen to him' 42. Dust the floor behind him, following him as he walks. Also dust anything he touches. 43. Charm his hair into ringlets. 44. Put up a notice proclaiming the formation of your own fan-club. Sign his name as the first eager member. 45. Invite him to join you for a nice, healthy game of musical chairs. 46. Leave Harry Potter bound and gagged outside Snape's rooms every morning for a year. 47. Anytime he comes near you, hold up your robes above your head with one arm and shelter beneath them until he leaves. 48. Subscribe to unlikely magazines in his name. 49. When he enters his classroom, scurry over and wipe down his seat before he has a chance to sit down. 50. Write his biography. Have it published. Offer him a signed copy. 51. Babble incoherently in class until you've lost all your house points. 52. Set up a shrine to him. Somewhere very public. 53. When he leans over your cauldron to inspect your work, reach out and pin a S.P.E.W badge on him. 54. Shout suddenly in the middle of class 'Ooh, sir, hold that pose!' and quickly begin sketching him. 55. Steal quietly up behind him, lift his robes, raise your hot-iron and brand his neck with a mark of your own. 56. Fill his bed with small, adorable, fluffy creatures. While he's in it. 57. Tell him that you 'know'. Tap the side of your nose and nod knowingly. 58. Weep openly when he gives you detention. 59. Casually mention you're thinking of changing your name to Severus. 60. Ponder aloud on the colour of his underwear. 61. Whistle the march from 'Bridge on The River Kwai' as you follow him down to one of the many detentions you are likely to receive.( score and extract here) 62. Observe him. Take notes. 63. Become an animagi. Be very cute. Try to get him to adopt you. 64. Try to get him to adopt you anyway. 65. Chain yourself to him and go limp. 66. Forbid anyone to touch him. Enforce the rule. 67. When his food arrives at mealtime, jump out of your seat, dash up to the high table and insist on tasting the food before he has a bite. 'Just in case.' 68. For the duration of each meal, jump out of your seat at random moments, dash up to the high table and ask if he wants anything on that, waving condiments madly. 69. Carve small likeness's of him. Leave them around the school. 70. Have him committed. 71. Ask him to teach you how to tango. 72. Crash Death-Eater revels shouting 'Sev! You had a party and you didn't invite me? I'm hurt!' 73. Transfigure his robes into a safari-suit. Wear one yourself. Dance about and slap him with pilchards. 74. While he's out, fill his rooms completely, wall to wall, floor to ceiling, with balloons. 75. Ask him if he wants to meet your mother. 76. Ask him everyday if he'll show you 'that stopper-in-death trick, that sounded neat.' 77. Put up your hand eagerly in class when he asks a question. If he calls on you, ignore his question and say 'Sir? Can you do this?' Then perform stupid party face-tricks. (Ie: roll your tongue, flip your eyelids or wiggle your ears) 78. Faint regularly in his class. 83. Make him daisy-chains. Enquire frequently as to why he doesn't wear them. 84. Refer to him as 'Lord and Master of all things Slimy' 85. Chase him. 86. Throw your arms around him on random occasions. 87. Sing Monty Python's 'The Lumberjack Song' at him endlessly. (song here or video clip there or origin here) 88. Dedicate essays to him. 89. Trip him up in the halls. Every single chance you get. 90. Approach. Kneel. Propose. Run. 91. Become his campaign manager for an election you've invented. Hang 'Vote Snape' signs. Wear a badge. 92. When he leans in to see the contents of your cauldron, whack him over the head, scream 'Tag! You're it!' and dash out of the classroom, giggling. 93. Paint a portrait of him. Use your imagination. Insist on hanging it in the Great Hall. 94. Grin insanely throughout each and every potions class. 95. 'Prozac, sir?' 96. Laugh enthusiastically at any mild joke or sarcasm that leaves his mouth. Laugh for about 10 minutes longer than necessary. Laugh until you cry. 97. Breed koalas in his bathroom. 98. Lie down in puddles and beg him to step on you rather than get his feet soggy. 99. Enquire of him if he would like to borrow some shampoo. 100. Find a website focusing on really bad Snape/Harry slash-fic. Print them off and owl them to him regularly. 101. Write a list of all the things you could do to him! |
Amanda: Sorry 'bout number 8, I got carried away! 1. Always be five strides ahead of him, rolling out an endless red carpet. |
Amanda: "OK, Only one ickle Die Hard reference in this one, and it's REALLY easy so I won't request that you guess it. And, well, one Alan Rickman reference that's a little obscure, so if you get it and you're NOT a Rickmaniac, I'll be SOOOO impressed with you." 1. 'Accio Snape! 2. Anytime you see him, fall down and grovel at his feet. 3. Be seen licking your fingers clean after Potions Class. 4. Do not do ANYTHING without his expressed, written permission. 5. Every lesson, look like you are diligently brewing your potion, when he comes to have a look, offer him a spoonful of the Two-Minute-Noodles you've been preparing in your cauldron. 6. Never speak to him, only stare at him dumbly. 7. Charm his hair into a Mohawk. 8. Practise Quidditch in his private office. 9. 'Severus Snape! What WOULD your mother think?' 10. When he leans down to inspect your work - grab him by the collar, pull his face close to your own and say 'Hiya Snape!' happily. 11. Or kiss him. Whichever you like best. 12. Ask him how Tommy is. 13. Get a Muggle Dictaphone. Record everything he says. Be seen walking around, listening intently to the recordings. 14. Alternatively, direct the 'Sonorus' charm at your dictaphone and broadcast your recordings through the school. 15. Walk up to his desk and pat him soothingly on the head every now and again. 16. Ask him if he would mind helping you with a project. Tell him you want to breed Professional-Racing-Snapes. 17. Spit when you speak the letter 'p'. Say '*P*rofessor Sna*p*e" an awful lot. 18. Preferably very close to his face, so it gets on him. 19. Alternatively, hiss on the letter 's'. 20. Throw a Mad-Eye Moody at him at random quiet moments. 'CONSTANT VIGILANCE!' 21. In fact, just throw Mad-Eye Moody at him. 22. Ask him suggestively just how 'private' his 'private' office is. 23. Find a good charm for it, and give him a strong tan. 24. Have no qualms about approaching him and chatting freely about your daily life. 25. Be heard reciting his 'first-years' speech loudly to other students 'I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses.... 26. Always walk away from him with a threatening 'I'm watching you, Professor. I'm ALWAYS watching you.' 27. End each class with a wink and a 'See you tonight, Professor' Put sarcastic emphasis on the word 'Professor'. 28. When answering questions in class, digress into unrelated tangents, like your aged uncle's holiday in Spain. 29. Tell him, when he gets livid over some incident or other, 'Take a time-out now, Sevvie, go face the wall.' 30. When he begins to tell you off for something,(probably something you've read here) interrupt with a sympathetic 'Awww, Nightmares again last night, Severus?' 31. In the middle of the night, sneak into his quarters, shake him awake and shine a torch in his face shouting 'Pineapple! Have you got any pineapple?' 32. Blatently suck up to him. 33. Attempt, regularly, to singe his eyebrows. 34. Wonder aloud why your telepathic messages to him 'just don't seem to be getting through'. 35. Throw peanuts at him during class. Shout '5 points to me!' if you hit him. 36. Introduce him to the concept of 'fanfiction' 37. Whisper to people and point at him, whenever he is likely to see you. 38. Jump out of your seat and yell 'Sir! Look what I can do!' Juggle ingredient vessels precariously. Smash as many as possible. 39. Offer him trinkets and mementos of yourself. 40. Take his temperature. 41. Ask him if he's got a girlfriend. 42. 'There, there, Professor. You'll get your Order of Merlin someday, I'm sure.' 43. Refuse to answer him in class until he 'talks to your agent'. 44. Leak information about torrid love-affairs to the press. 45. Shout 'Yippie-kai-ay....etc' at him at random moments. 46. Charm the carpet of his rooms to sprout small flowers in his wake. 47. Tell him you're sure Draco Malfoy has a secret crush on him. 48. A rousing chorus of 'Blowin' In The Wind' should work wonders. 49. Lick your lips hungrily throughout Potions Class. Stare at some of the more grotesque contents of his jars. 50. Wither and faint should anyone mention his name. 51. Disappear for a few days once every month. He'll probably avoid you after that. 52. Beat him over the head with your Potions Textbook at the beginning and end of every lesson. 53. Blow him kisses whenever you catch his eye. 54. Take bets on the outcome of events surrounding him and his everyday life. Place betting charts and odds tables on bulletin board around the school. 55. If he asks you a question, answer only with a serious 'Yes, We have no bananas.' 56. Answer every question with another question. Preferably one completed unrelated to the topic at hand. 57. Speak to him only in Parseltongue. 58. Recite 'The Owl & the Pussycat' endlessly in his presence. 59. Bite him. 60. Change the house-shield badge on your robes to a small picture of him. Tap it and smile at him when you see him. 61. Make up a song about him. Begin with the line 'He's the Snape-meister...' and end with a shout of 'Go Severus Go!'. 62. Jump up and sing it suddenly in class. Dance along with your singing. When finished return to your seat, act as though nothing happened and forever deny the event's occurence. 63. Empty, and dispose of, all the ingredients in the jars of his storeroom. 64. Re-fill each jar with butterbeer. 65. If you are about pass him in the hallways, run around him in circles a few times and then continue on your way. Calmly explain that you were 'taking the scenic route.' 66. This one's important - use any means necessary. Sneak into his rooms. Find his diary. Bring it back. And remember - fellow WIKTTeers would thank you to remember what your mother taught you about sharing! 67. Offer to replace his house-elf. 68. When he leans down to inspect your work - Grab one of his hands and inspect his nails, stating 'They're filthy, Snape! Not to mention you've been biting them...' 69. Grovel pathetically. 70. Suggest he run for Muggle parliament. 71. During a quiet moment in potions, leap onto your desk, point at him and shout 'Where were you on the night of February the 21st, 1946?' 72. Fall asleep in Potions. 73. If somebody wakes you, mutter as if coming out of a dream "Severus, dear, come back to bed." 74. Make him 'breakfast in bed' 75. At around midday, drag him back to his rooms and make him 'lunch in bed' 76. Develop a slow and incessant stutter when you speak to him, and only him. 'Y-y-yes, p-p-Professor S-S-S-Snape, S-Sir!' 77. Charm his hair into an afro. 78. One word: Bagpipes. 79. 'I've got my eye on you, Snape, if that IS your REAL name...' 80. Keep a water-pistol handy. Use it whenever the time seems right. 81. 'Pity about that Dark Arts job, a real pity....' 82. Sneak into his rooms and remove all his clothing, replacing them with a series of pin-striped business suits, all several sizes too small or large. 83. Owl him your results from those awful tests in really girlie magazines. Regularly. 84. Run up behind him and jam a beanie onto his head. 85. Sing that awful 'song that never ends' in an incredibly high pitched voice during class. 86. When he leans down to inspect your work - peck him once on each cheek. Look apologetic and tell him you 'slipped'. 87. Ask him just what he did in the sixties. 88. Smell him. Act like it gets you high. 89. Ask him if he wants to see your collection of newspaper articles detailing Harry Potter's life from the day he slipped through Voldemort's fingers to the present. 90. Walk around on stilts, trying to match his height. 91. Tickle him. 92. Hide in his office and giggle until he finds you. 93. Upon the announcement of one of the many detentions you are bound to receive, whip out a diary and attempt to schedule a time 'Well, I'm all booked out Tuesday, um....Thursday, is Thursday good for you?' 94. Insist on reading him his horoscope every morning at breakfast. Loudly, so everyone in the Great Hall can hear it. 95. Tell him he 'could do with a good scrubbing down'. 96. Have Hagrid lend you some 'interesting critters' to leave in his rooms. 97. Ask him if you can 'borrow' him. Promise it's 'just for a short while.' 98. 'Snapey-wanna-cracker?' 99. Mime anything you ever need to say to him. 100. Knock him over. Sit on him. Have your photo taken. 101. 'Sir, can my house have like, a thousand points if I promise to leave you alone?'
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